that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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