He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
