There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
