I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
