Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
