if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
