I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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