i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
