halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
