Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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