Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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