I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
they're like a gay fantastic four
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
