Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
