Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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