im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
