I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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