You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
