hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
