Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
the liver wants what the liver wants
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
