After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize