so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
