I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
