I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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