ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
