Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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