I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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