the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
