hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
