he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
