capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize