She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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