ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
