Duck Duck Cougar?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
