I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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