plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
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Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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