haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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