it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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