he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
