last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
