FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
