Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
