With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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