No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
