Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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