I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
