I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
MIDGETS
????
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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