She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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