Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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