My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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