I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
