took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
