my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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