im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
