i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
