??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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