Moan for me like Helen Keller
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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