Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
