Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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