Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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