broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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