I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got inside last night via doggy door
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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