dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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