its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
