So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
