I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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