I just cut my nipple shaving
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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