I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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