I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
