I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
