Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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