Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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