There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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