Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
