I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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