I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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