we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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