I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
