It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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