btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.