You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize