Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
