there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
