omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
