Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do vagina's smell?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
