i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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