I wish they made helmets for livers.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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