you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
